Now that I'm someone else

 My blog is now at http://thebubblebathqueen.blogspot.com/ Please come visit me there!

  I need to sit still. Just long enough to finish a book or maybe take a bath. I have been spinning out of control since it became 2010. So much to do, so much to do!

  I spent my looooooong weekend cleaning and deciding how I want to decorate/remodel the half bath. Don’t be jealous.

  I gave away more things on freecycle than I knew I owned. I got rid of about 150 books and several boxes of household items and still had a trunk load to take to the local thrift store.

 I’ve been exercising, even though that little Wii woman is the devil.

 I’ve even been landscaping my farm on Farmville. What’s all this about you might ask? PROCRASTINATION!!!!

 The one thing I want to do, and want to do really, really well, is finish one of my books. Yet day after day I find reasons to do other things instead of write.

 I want to write, I love to write, I could do it for hours, once I get started. It’s just getting started. I have two books that are nearing completion and that is where the trouble comes from.

 I don’t suffer from writers block, I suffer from “what if I’m not good enough” block. As long as my books remain something I’m going to do “someday” no one ever says they are not good enough.

 It’s like sending your baby to kindergarten that first day. What if no one likes my book? What if  she sits all alone on a shelf and no one ever reads her?  Can my heart stand it if the critics say something bad about her?

  So, I procrastinate. I clean, even vacuum. Decorate, oh and I found the cutest little do it yourself project for the big bathroom on one of the blogs I follow, write this silly blog, harvest crops in Farmville and count down the minutes until The Secret Life of the American Teenager comes on.

  Tonight I will write, after my bath. I have been writing every night but it’s tiny little baby steps. I need to jump in with both feet, get wet, splash around, I love the people in my books, I vow to spend more time with them.

 But first, I will be moving my blog back to blogspot, I miss it there. Yes, I realize this is one more procrastination tool, but at least I haven’t started building that bookshelf yet!

  I”ve been trying to decide what I wanted to write about today, I always have really, really good ideas right after I finish writing a blog, and then I promptly forget them when it’s time to write the next one.

  Today two things have been on my mind, gays and summer, and while deciding which to write about I decided they have a lot in common:

1. summer- better clothing choices, shopping with a gay friend- better clothing choices- because he will not let you out of the house looking like that!

2. summer- fireworks, staying up too late, drinking too much, hanging out with my gay friends- fireworks, staying up too late, drinking too much

3.  summer- ends too soon, gay friends-hooks up with that jealous new boyfriend and the friendship ends too soon

 Ok, so maybe not too much in common but I’m trying to work both things into this blog tonight because both are bouncing around my head. I miss summer, I miss my gay friends- see, one more thing in common.

 Seriously though, is it just me or are there LOTS more gay people in the world? Not that I’m complaining, except that all the gorgeous guys are gay but that is another story. I’m not homophobic or anything so I’m not offended or uncomfortable, I’m just curious.

 Not about that sicko, we all know how it works! I’m curious about the numbers. Are there (seemingly) more gay people now because there are more people? Like have the actual percentages stayed the same but the overall number grew?

 Or is it that we’ve finally become accepting enough for people to be who they are? At least once a week there is an openly gay child in my house. At least 50% of Mo’s friends are gay and the rest are bisexual.

 I can’t even imagine what it would have been like for one of the guys at my high school to admit he was gay. I know there is still way too much bullying that goes on when a child is “different”. Whether that difference is sexual orientation or height, hair color, race or any number of things, it is still hard to be different.

 However, there has been a huge shift and hopefully our children and their children will create a world where everyone is safe, no matter who you love or what color your skin may be.

  My darling daughter frustrates me so much sometimes but one thing that makes me so proud is that  she doesn’t see those differences. Granted we live in one of the whitest states so race really isn’t an issue, but she is not bothered by someone’s sexual orientation. Why should she be? It doesn’t affect her life, her choices.

 As for summer time, there is way too little of that it seems. As soon as it starts, it’s over and we are shopping for school clothes. I miss warm days, warm nights, sitting on the deck with friends, taking long walks, even doing yard work.

 I just had a thought, I’m going to be really upset if as the number of gay people goes up the number of summer days goes down. I’m sure there is no relationship, but it’s starting to look very, very suspicious!

  I guess I just wanted to say, come on summer time and gay friends, I love you both!

   Ah, the new year. Why does it make me crazy? Right now I’m taking a little break so I can tell all of you how insane I’ve become.

  So I have these new years resolutions, one of them is to write, everyday, so I’ve been writing, which is good. I also resolved to exercise, so I’ve been exercising, again, good. Oh, and there’s that whole vacuuming thing, I’ve vacuumed everyday for three days.

  Now, separately there is nothing wrong with these things, but when you put them together you get a day that looks like this:

Get up, make coffee, make bed, drink coffee while writing blog. Struggle with blog because we don’t want to cause too much embarrassment, I’m still related to these women.

 Work on my novel for 30 minutes, which turns into 55 minutes.

Switch laundry, bring all the baskets from the basement upstairs and fold them.

 Work out for an hour. I am humiliated by the cartoon trainer on my Wii Fit. I hate that animated freak of nature.

Pour vinegar and baking soda down all drains, followed by boiling water. Why you ask? Hell if I know!

 Scrub the kitchen floor.

Bathe both dogs, trim the hair around their faces and butts. I know you’re jealous, back off.  Then dress them in their little sweaters. Realize that Pierre’s beer gut makes him too chubby for his sweater so throw on some pants and go to Walmart to get a new sweater. Pick up toothpaste while I’m there.

Clean the bathroom because that’s where I bathed the dogs.

Vacuum- there’s a lot of dog hair. Amazing how fast face and butt hair grows on my dogs.

Take pictures of the half bath because I”m getting ready to remodel it. Look through pics on computer to find the ones I took of the half bath when I first bought the house. Put all in a folder to share with my bloggy friends later.

Write this blog, then I’m going to peel the wallpaper backing off the walls in the half bath. It’s only 3:14.  Help me, I am spinning out of control!

  Last night was the official night out for Terriepalooza- we celebrate my sister’s birthday for  a week leading up to it- the benefits of being the middle sister.

   We went to our favorite cowboy bar, the one where we usually spend most of our time making fun of everyone, well, this time, I think they were making fun of us.

  My sisters started getting their drink on before they left the house and by the time I got to the bar, they were both  a little tipsy.

   Terrie rode the bull, Angie needed quiet time, the rest of us, we danced and laughed till security said it was time to go.

  2010 is going to be a great year! So far, it’s amazing. I know it’s only been one full day but I’m feeling a shift here. Yesterday I didn’t break a single one of my resolutions, I even vacuumed! The house is starting to feel like it belongs to someone else, it’s almost too clean.

   So today, the second beautiful day of 2010, some things from the past knocked on my door. First, the man who took the pictures when Steve and I got married, passed away last night. His name was Walt and he was Steve’s brothers best friend since childhood. Today is a  very sad day for all of the brothers, Walt was like a brother from another mother. Walt and Rick had a friendship that most of us never get to experience and my heart hurts for Rick today.

   The second thing from the past, was a text from that stupid man I got rid of. He has got to be kidding.” It’s a new year, time to forgive me so we can move on.” What the f**k is he smoking? I cannot believe the nerve he has, then he had to throw in there “We miss you” because he knows I love his kids.

   In the past, I would have responded, with the intention of telling him what an idiot I think he is, and it would have somehow turned into him coming over and me forgiving him, but not this time. Thanks to my new found friend, “Jessica” I’m much stronger and I see him for the lying, cheating scumbag he is. All I can say is, it sucks to be him, he had two amazing women who loved him and he used us both, he won’t get that lucky again. I deleted the message, one day he will get the hint.

   It snowed again last night so again today I’m off to shovel. Don’t you wish you were me? Tonight is the biggest night of Terriepalooza, me and my sisters are going to the Westerner, we’re going to try to save a horse, if you know what I mean.

2010- Can you believe it’s here? I can’t. I can’t believe it’s 2000 anything! Yet here we are, 2010, just what are we going to do with this whole year, spread out before us like fresh, untracked snow. Time to become who we are, change the things we don’t like, add somethings we do and just plain have some fun. So, here are the things I resolve to do this year…..

1. Quit Smoking- I know, I know, this is here every year for lots of us, but this time, I mean it! It’s already been almost ten hours and I’m fine, really, just fine, quit freaking nagging me about it, are you trying to stress me out?

2. Exercise at least five days a week- even in the winter. I have to keep losing the same ten pounds over and over  every year because I work out all spring, summer and fall but come winter, it’s cookies and couch time for me.

3. Cook more than once a month, it cannot be healthy for us to eat ramen noodles five times a week- oh wait, you have to cook those so I’m good on this one already!

4. Learn to put on fake eyelashes so Clay doesn’t say, every time “Nice Eyelashes”

5. Let my baby grow up. Scratch that, I’m not ready.

6. Stop being so picky. Cause Clay says that’s why I’m not married. I don’t think I’m picky, I think I’ve made some mistakes in the past so now I just have higher standards. I mean, seriously, velcro shoes? Ok maybe we have to scratch this one too.

7. Write every, single day, all year long. And I don’t mean just Facebook postings and twitter updates either. Every day I will work on one of my novels. I want to live where it’s warm and not go into an office everyday, maybe, just maybe, I can do that with my writing but I’ll never know if I don’t finish something!

8. Take one fun mini vacation every month. Hopefully somewhere outside of Utah!

9. Smile more.

10. Judge less

11. Speak my mind, stand up for myself. I tend to let people walk all over me and instead of letting them know when they hurt my feelings I just walk away. Not anymore, if you are pissing in my Cheerios, I’m gonna tell you!

12. Learn to love, or at least tolerate, vacuuming. It is my least favorite household chore, I will clean the kitchen , scrub toilets, do laundry, anything but vacuum. And it shows, my poor carpets, the only time they get vacuumed is if we are having company, which is almost never,  and I have two dogs.  I really need to learn to like it.

13. Invite people over more. That way my carpet will get vacuumed.

14.Clip my toenails more, at least in the summer so poor Angie doesn’t get freaked out every time she sees my feet.

15. Be nicer to my parents.

16. Stop making resolutions and just live every day, improving as I can, and always remember, I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and dog gone it, people like me!

Thank you Stuart Smalley for reminding us how wonderful we are.

 Happy New Year everyone, hope it is everything you dreamed of and some unexpectedly wonderful things you didn’t.

 It’s that time of year again, when we remind ourselves why we don’t drink to excess the rest of the year. Well, there was that 4th of July episode but I’m not talking about that anymore.

  Tonight I”m going to see my ex husbands band play. There are several reasons for this:

1. We get along!

2. I love to hear this band, not the other one but we won’t go there.

3. I have a crush on the harmonica player.

4. I didn’t have any other plans and eating pizza and watching Johnny Depp with three teenage girls, as fun as that sounds, makes me wish I was deaf.

  So, I need something to wear. I head to the mall with Trina and we go to the store where my darling Mo works. I tell my baby girl what we are looking for-

  ” Something sparkly, and a little naked.”

  ” Gross Mom, I’ll help Aunt Trina, you are on your own.” Brat.

  So I start looking through the racks and everything I pick my beautiful baby girl says “Not that, you’ll look like a hooker.” Maybe that’s the look I’m going for……

  She brings Trina these cute things to try on. Me, I get baggy T shirts with old lady patterns on them. I choose a really cute shirt and black leggings and am heading to the dressing room.

  Mo steps in front of me, ” Not gonna happen, Mom, I’m not letting you leave the house dressed like that.” (Wonder where she heard that?)

 ”It’s not up to you baby girl.”

 ” Mom, did you forget, I’m your ride tonight and I’m not taking you anywhere dressed like that.”

  Damn her. I bought a black tank top and I’m coming home, dressing like a hooker and wearing my trench coat so she can’t see.

  She’s not the boss of me!

Happy New Years everyone, I will be back tomorrow with resolutions!

 Today was a good day, maybe not fantastic or even out of the ordinary good, just plain old good.  Any day that I laugh with my teenager is a good day. Today we laughed a lot.

  After work Mo wanted to go and look at dresses for homecoming. You should know, this child, she is the power shopper from hell. We went to the local gotta have it overpriced prom dress store where a very skinny middle-aged woman swooped in to help us.

  In five minutes Mo had me standing with both arms in the air holding multiple dresses up off the floor. The tiny little woman came to my rescue, took the dresses and got us a dressing room.

   After touring the store for ten minutes, Mo had seven dresses to try on. They all weighed about twenty pounds each and required removal of her head to get them on.

  We need a puffy slip, we need heels, we need jewelry. The tiny woman was happy to oblige. I felt a little bad for her, she wanted the commission on one of those $400 dresses and I knew we were just tire kickers. Mo loves trying on princess dresses.

   Believe it or not, she had all those dresses on, accessorized, pictures taken and back in her street clothes in under thirty minutes. And they all had to be laced up the back, and then unlaced, by the same starving mother.

   My daughter, I think she is adopted, well I would if I was ever able to forget pushing her out of my girlie bits, has a shape I would kill for, this tiny little waist and boobs she must have paid for with tooth fairy money because they didn’t come from me! Every dress fit like a glove, like it was made for her. She looked beautiful, just like when she was five and playing dress up.

  Fortunately for both of us, Mo shares my twisted sense of humor. She tried on one dress that was very pretty but had this weird kind of open topped box that her boobs sat in. She looked down at her chest and then up at me while trying to close the top of the box and preserve some of her modesty. She started laughing, and I knew instantly that we both had the same thought ” You can put your weed in it.”

   After major dressing and undressing we went to dinner and started talking about being politically correct.  Holiday lights, do Jews put up lights? I think not so they are Christmas lights. Then Jew made Mo think of her friend, who is a Jew, pretty rare here in Momoville. Then, wonder of wonders, there is a new kid at her school, he is black, and jewish. I asked if he was Sammy Davis Jr’s kid, cause seriously, how many black jews are there? Then we were coming up with new names for people and I said “He’s a jewack” We always combine what you are, if you are a diabetic jew, you are a jewetic, one of those dumb things we do. Then Mo said “No, he’s blackish”

  Being ever so quick to catch on, I thought she meant not really  black, so I’m trying to figure out what to call him when she says ” you know mom black and jewish- blackish. Then I laughed like a hyena and she knew I got it. She also informed me we are going to hell. I hope they have ju ju fish there.

  So, I found another use for a man. I know they have many, many uses, but I’m talking about the really important ones.

  Cleaning the drying lint curly hose thingy. I don’t mean that I need a man to clean that out, I need a man to pull the dryer out after I’ve trapped myself between the dryer and the wall, and am awkwardly bent over because there is a shelf over the dryer so I can’t get any leverage to push the damn thing out after I’ve pulled it back too far.

   I pride myself on taking care of stuff around the house. When I get in a relationship again I want it to be because I really, really want to be with someone, not because I need him to take the trash to the curb, although, that would be nice. Anyway, back to the point.

  I try to do things myself so that I know I can and so that my mythical perfect man will know that I can survive without him but choose not to. So, every time I read some little tidbit about home maintenance I strap on my tool belt, get the safety glasses, pour a glass of wine and get to work!

  A little background, my washer and dryer are slowly dying so every time I use them I praise them and tell them what good little laundry friends they are. My washer only washes in cold water because the little thingy that lets you change water temperature broke off inside the washer. I guess it’s good that it broke on cold water. If it was hot water then every week after doing laundry I would have to find a ten-year old who likes to dress up like a middle-aged woman trying to look 27 to give all my clothes to. Anyway……. it takes the dryer HHHOOOUUUURRRRSSSS to dry a load of clothes.

  Last night I was bored and googled “What the hell  is wrong with my dryer?” One of the things google suggested was cleaning the vent hose. Aha! Yet another job for Super Single Woman ( I really do need a cape) Down to the basement I went, pulled out the dryer, stared for several minutes and got to work.

  My laundry room is in the basement, in the middle of my house so the hose goes through the wall, up stairs, takes a sharp left and vents to the backyard. I only checked the part that was attached to the dryer, and only as far up as I  could see. If a family of rabid trolls lives in my dryer hose I’m not going to be the one to disturb them.

  So, no obstruction, so that’s probably not why my clothes will dry faster if I leave the dryer off and the door open. I decide that maybe the hose is too kinked between the dryer and wall so I shove as much of it up into the wall as I can and pull the dryer back as close to the wall as I can get, shimmy down, bend my head at an unnatural angle I will pay for tomorrow, and reattach the hose.

   Then, in a moment of brilliance I decide to pull the dryer back more while keeping my feet on each side of the hose so I can push it into the wall as the dryer comes back. Do not try this at home.

   I did it! The dryer is against my belly, my butt is against the wall, the hose is unkinked………………….I can’t get out. The shelf over the dryer prevents me from escaping by going straight up and over the back of the dryer, I could you know, I used to be a gymnast. And because I’ve squashed myself against the wall I have no leverage.

  Who do you possibly call in a situation like this? Your teenager who will not get off the couch unless it’s on fire? Your friends, who have real lives and cannot come and rescue you every time you do something dumb? Your sisters who will take pictures and put them on Facebook? I think not.

  So there I stand, sort of, it’s more like a hunchback pose, the top of the dryer is biting into my boobs so of course I can’t use those to push, I’m Super Single Woman, not Super Boob Woman.

  After much swearing and lots of bruises on my knees and shins from kicking the back of the dryer, I escape. The stupid dryer is back against the wall, I’m sure the hose is kinked, but I don’t care. I almost spilled my wine and that would be a tragedy. Clothes will dry, spilled wine can never be drunk!